Quotes tagged with "funny" (newest)

Grey: Being cursed by someone I don’t know is so embarrassing!
Gauche: The being cursed part doesn’t bother you?!

Sanji: The Constitution of Sanji Kingdom, Article 1. Those who scare Nami-san will face... the death penalty!

Yao: The Miami Guns is both of us together, right?
Lu: Yao...
Yao: That is, I'm "Miami Gun" and you're the "s".

Yao: This face... This body... Oh no! Could it be... I might be a member of that class which you call angels.
Lu: Or demons. Or monsters.

Chief: How are you still alive?
Yao: Because I sleep well and eat well.

Sakurakouji Yao: What cruel fate has brought this misery upon me? Me... eating a man-eating shark?

Policeman: This case is just going to go unsolved.
Chief: It's your job to solve it! You're cops, aren't you?
Kosuke: If I was smart enough to solve this, I'd be a private eye instead of a mere cop.

Chief: This is the ninth victim! And the criminal is still out there! We'll lose respect!
Kosuke: We lost that long ago.

Chief Amano: Good heavens! The criminal is safe. On second thought, I shouldn't be happy to see him safe!

Chief: What do you really think police work is all about?
Yao: Car chases, gunfights, and blowing up buildings!

Yao: I have low blood pressure, so I can't get up early in the morning.
Lu: Or maybe you were at home watching TV, thinking about taking the day off, when you saw something interesting that happened and couldn't stay away.
Yao: Lu, are you an Esper?

Azazel: Where there's porn, there's Azazel.

Koshi Torako: Oh, damn it! I've done this for 11 episodes, and I still don't know a damn thing about Hino!

Narrator: Spring. Koshitan and the others became third-years. Apparently, they aren't stuck in the Sazae-san space-time dimension.

Taguchi: It's almost like you're the light and I'm the darkness.
Komugi: I'm the baldness?

Hanabatake Yoshiko: If you pierce your ear with a needle, blood will fly everywhere. Then bacteria will enter the wound and infect it... Then you suffer... and die.

Kana: Isn't that awesome? By age six, I was already interested in a medical career!
Reimi: I'm more curious about what made you want to be a detective.
Hibiki: And after doctor, you wanted to be a healer?
Kana: No... After that it was pilot, then barista, then pro wrestler!

Jill: Kaburagi connected with Deca-dence. Basically, right now, your "Boss" is that. Deca-dence is now Kabu-dence.

Hitori Gotoh: The sports festival: the number one-source of school trauma for introverts. Parentheses, based on Japanese Introvert Society poll, close parentheses. A heinous ritual in which those with no athletic ability are shunned, and even their right to exist is stripped away. Not only during school hours, but afterward too, they are forced to perform slave labor, creating banners and practicing cheers!

Nitta: Son, what's your affiliation?
Ogami: I'm with Class 1-B.

Hideo Azuma: When I woke up from my dream of being battered by a cold wind, I was being battered by a cold wind! It totally failed to fulfill its duty as a dream!

Hideo Azuma: I hung myself using the slope of the mountain. But I just ended up falling asleep.

Pan: What? Another giant monkey?
Satan: What the hell is going on here? Is this the planet of the apes?

Ando: I have an idea. Do you want to hear it?
Nana: Who is this easy-going gramps? Just a side character and he's got an "idea"?

Nana: I wish we could do it in a bigger place.
Ren: Yeah, that bathtub's too small.
Nana: I mean playing a show!

Shoji: Why are you talking to yourself? You're scaring me.
Nana: I wasn't talking to myself! I was talking to the Demon Lord.
Shoji: That's even scarier!

Ishida: You're... Pesche Guatiche.
Pesche: Wow! He remembered my full name after only hearing it once! Does he...?
Pesche: Wait. Do you... like me?

Nana Komatsu: I just kept on ordering pizzas, I gained like 10 pounds, and then he never came back to my house. Big fat loss!

Bessho Koyoi: Last year it was Sachertorte, the year before it was gateau chocolate, the year before that it was a chocolate blancmange... I wonder what I should make this year? Of course!! What about a super-ultra-huge chocolate wedding cake?!

Hitomi: Most people would feel too embarrassed to show someone their room when it's this messy.
Chie: Nice try, but I have no shame! To love me is to love my messiness!

Ryo: Write what you want to write.
Hitori: But if I do that, I'll write bitter, social-outcast lyrics—
Ryo: But won't it be hilarious if a normie sings that?

Mayaka: Time to get away from this! We're drinking tonight!
Hotaro: Now we're drinking?!
Mayaka: Oolong tea, mostly!

Mayaka: She seems like she could be Saint Eru, huh?
Satoshi: "Chitanda Eru" sounds like it could be an angel's name, doesn't it?
Mayaka: As in, "Uriel," "Gabriel," "Chitanda-el"?

Hotaro: If you were to use the book for something other than reading, how would you use it?
Mayaka: If you stack a few of them up, it might make a good pillow.
Satoshi: If you put it on your arm, it would serve as a shield.
Hotaro: Think about this more seriously.
Chitanda: He's right. There must be some way that this book in particular is being used.
Satoshi: Okay, Chitanda-san, what do you think?
Chitanda: Let's see. If you make a stack of them, they could serve as pickle press.

Fujio Fuji: During a single point within a time frame two elderly men lived within their abode... And in the abode closest to them, there lived an elderly gentleman by the name of Cinderel. However on a certain day a beautiful, petite elderly man came floating down from the sky...

Fujio Fuji: I am tardy!! As I fly to almost certain tardiness, slice of bread firmly between teeth, I will certainly collide with the fated heroine. Manga plots demand it... And I, specs, must experiment to determine the truth of it!! However, I wonder as to the necessity of pronouncing my tardiness aloud. Also, in the near future, the bread in my mouth will cause a shortage of breath...

Fumio Akatsuka: It's true that as a little kid I was thin and weak... And it was Jump that told me that if I trained, I could get stronger. In my desire to come ever closer to my beloved Jump characters, I'd wear the shell of a turtle on my back... I'd climb a cliff using only one arm... I'd stop a barrage of tennis balls with only my stomach muscles... And while I was at it, I managed to style my hair like a Super Saiyan...

Yousuke Shibazaki: A man who chooses Sega console cannot live an ordinary life.

Fumio Akatsuka: "Akatsuka"? Perhaps that used to be my name. However, I have abandoned my past! I will now be reborn anew... Yes!! From today forward, my name shall be The Jet-Black Crimson Knight!!

Takae Kinjirou: Even if you get rejected once, isn't it fine if you keep confessing? Sometimes you win by being persistent, right? Look at me, I've confessed to Nodoka-chan and been rejected around fifty times today, she even started looking at me like trash and ignoring me, but I haven't given up!