Quotes tagged with "funny" (best), page 5

Miyuki Takara: Come to think of it, when I went to an amusement park the other day, I had thought I was lining up for one of the rides, when I actually was in line for the restroom.

Kyūbee Yagyū: Jugem Jugem Shit-Tossing the Life of Shin-chan's Two-Day-Old Underwear Balmung Fezalion Issac Schneider 1/3 True Love 2/3 Hangnail Anxiety Betrayal Knows My Name Or Does It Really Ignore Calls Squid Dogfish Halibut Trout-Cod Dogfish This Is a Different Dogfish, I'm Talking About The Dogfish Shark Kaluga Angler Ray Yuuteimiyaoukimukou Pepepepepepepepepepepepe All's Well That Ends Well Runny Diarrhea.

Shinpachi: Gin-san, nurses are really amazing, aren't they?
Gintoki: For example, take a woman who's a 7... Put her in a nurse's uniform and she becomes a 10.

Kotaro Katsura: I'm not Lupin, I'm Zura. Oops, I mean Katsura.

Szef: I always thought there was something uneven between your appearance and working ability! You act like you can easily handle all of your cases! But why are you so useless?

Yato: All right! Okay! Fine! Hanki... I release you. Just so you know, as a parting piece of wisdom, it's common courtesy to give a full month's notice before you quit!

Zenzo: It's the Jump double issue.
Gintoki: Jump double issue. Eh? Jump double issue?
Zenzo: Jump double issue?
Gintoki: Good grief. There's only one left...
Zenzo: What should we do?
Gintoki: I've already been to seven or eight convenience stores already. Everyone's free during the holiday season, so they are all sold out.
Zenzo: Yeah? Well, I've been to ten convenience stores.
Gintoki: Oh, if I include this one, I've actually been to 15 stores.
Zenzo: Well, my little boy, Hiroshi really wants Jump. Hiroshi is my son and only 5 years old.
Gintoki: My mom really wants it, too. She's sick. I wonder if she'll see it through the year... In fact, I'm sure she won't.
Zenzo: Well, Hiroshi is also going to die.
Gintoki: Hiroshi is going to die?

Gintoki Sakata: Come on, I'm not carrying anything metal. Is it responding to my iron will?

Vergo: I'll rip everything to pieces... Hm? How weird, I can't find my sword!
Monet: Isn't that because you're not a swordsman?
Vergo: That's right... I'm not a swordsman.

Hata-ōji: I make a rare appearance and this is how I get treated? I might as well transfer over to "D.Gray-man".

Azumi: If I don't do something, I'll go crazy. I feel like I'm going to turn into a love monster!
Shinpachi: Well, you already are a monster, I guess.

Matsudaira: He's not her boyfriend! I'll never acknowledge a frivolous man like him!
Hijikata: Shut up! I don't acknowledge you as police chief!
Okita: Hijikata, I'll never acknowledge you as vice-chief of the Shinsengumi!

Okita: Die, Hijikata.
Hijikata: Die, Okita.
Okita: Die, Okita. Oops, I mean Hijikata.

Mikan: And there was that one day it snowed a bunch, and we made a snowman here.
Rito: Oh, heah, we did! Although he wasn't exactly the most handsome snowman ever!
Mikan: Yeah, your taste... or lack thereof... really shone through!

Sakuma: If we lose, we're kicked off the team immediately.
Koizumi: Did you hear that, mister? They're like the Shinsengumi. You don't have Kondou Isami's permission?
Sakuma: I didn't even tell Hijikata I was coming.
Koizumi: So you're prepared to commit ritual suicide. Okay, Mr. Okita. We'll gift you some of our time.

Gintoki: I don't wanna do any training. It's such a pain.
Shinpachi: He just said something a JUMP main character would never say! He doesn't have a shred of ambition!

China: What's your name?
Japan: Hello, China-of-where-the-sun-falls. I am Japan-of-whence-the-sun-rises.
China: You're pretty rude!

Shinpachi Shimura: I can't! I can't do it! I'd be glad if I can do it with a cute girl like her... But I'm still a boy and this time slot is anime time for children. We were already demoted from golden hour. If the PTA sends in a flood of complaints, the show will be canceled!

Member of Shinsengumi: That sword is a Kikuichimonji RX-78! It has a built-in digital music player with a maximum playing time of 124 hours!

Zonge: It's been a while since I've been to a city.
Henchmen: Yes, it's been quite a long time.
Henchmen: Uh, this is our first time coming to a city.
Zonge: I've gone to plenty in RPGs.

Kūgo: Ever fantasize about being inside a game?
Ichigo: What're you talking about?
Kūgo: Admit it. Every kid's thought about it. Nothing to be embarrassed about.
Ichigo: I can't say I never thought about it, but...
Kūgo: Is that so? I've never wanted to, not even once.

Miroku: This is a fine palm. You'll live a long life and have many children. ... How about it? Won't you have one of my children?

Tsukuyo: Hinowa asked me to teach Seita how to swim. Anyway, I didn't know what to expect from a pool, but it seems to be just like Yoshiwara. Men and women enjoying themselves without any clothes on.

Mutta: I did two hundred, sixteen squats yesterday, and I feel just fine!
Mother: Two hundred and sixteen?
Father: Such a half-assed number. You couldn't manage four more?

Miroku: We don't need payment for this. We just ask for lodgings, food and women.

Tenten: It's pretty obvious we should've taken a left turn at the fork!
Shikamaru: No, if we'd taken a left... We'd have gone past a barbecue place that's out this way, and Choji would've been like...
Chōji: "I'm starving!"
Shikamaru: And he'd make us stop. But as soon as we walked in...
Man: "I'm so sorry. We're out of beef."
Chōji: "No, I've got a craving now!"
Shikamaru: And we'd be off to find a cow out in the mountains...
Chōji: "There's one!"
Neji: "Wait, Choji! That's a female!"
Shikamaru: Then we'd learn it's pregnant. And after its calf was born, Choji would be so moved by the miracle of birth that he'd be like...
Chōji: "I'm gonna live out here and raise cattle."
Shikamaru: He'd quit his life as a ninja to become a farmer.

Tōyako: Perhaps an enemy stronger than anything you have ever faced will appear. You can't survive without this ultimate technique. ... In addition, if this anime is released as a fighting game, it'll be too plain if it doesn't have an ultimate technique. Think about the business aspect. Don't you know how hard a time Bandai's had?

Tsukasa: That, and don't forget the sound of the spinning drills! It's so scary!
Konata: But boys might like dentists and stuff, then.
Tsukasa: Why?
Konata: I mean, they say that a drill is like a guy's romantic ideal. I hear they're all about dueling robots that use drills as weapons!

Konata Izumi: There isn't much difference in appearance when you gain or lose a kilogram or two... Why does she look so ecstatic or depressed with a matter of a few kilograms? This is why girls are so...

Kagami: There's been more and more spam lately. It's a pain.
Konata: Oh, you should change your text address to something that isn't too obvious. I changed mine too.
Kagami: Something that isn't obvious? Like what?
Konata: My address is iluvgirlsinglasses in English characters. I would have preferred something like "maid", but addresses like maid-san and miko-san are so popular that...

Shippō: Kagome will forgive you!
Inuyasha: What're you saying?! You sound like it's all my fault!
Shippō: It is your fault! Don't you still suspect Kagome!? Kagome did indeed protect Koga and helped him escape. Koga is your enemy. And she was kidnapped by him and suffered! Yet she helped him! That's right, Kagome's the one who suffered most at Koga's hands. So why did she take his side? Inuyasha... Do you think that maybe Kagome really did fall in love with Koga!
Inuyasha: Don't ask me! If you're gonna try to reason with me get your facts straight first!

Inuyasha: She chose to go home herself! She said, "I'm going back home, stupid!"
Kaede: Inuyasha... Even your imitation of her is stupid.

Kōji Yoshida: I'm A-OK with taking on the challenge of making you a super mangaka! ... That's right, like the Super Saiyan of mangaka.

Konata Izumi: My dad, when he went to deliver his script after an all-nighter, got on an early train, overslept all the way to the final stop, then the train made a U-turn, and before he knew it, he had overslept again. He went back and forth many times. He eventually woke up closer and closer to the destination station, but he would always sleep past it by a very close margin... He was so tired that he just wanted to come home and sleep, but he couldn't manage to make his way home. And in the end, when he woke up with a start, he couldn't figure out which direction he was heading at the time.

Satō Yō: Oshiroi, do you want to do it with me... no, with the Hounds?
Oshiroi Hana: Well... I don't know how to put this. It's not that I'm not interested... But... for starters, just one person would be better. I'm new to this, so I'd like to hold hands and stuff first...
Satō Yō: I was asking if you want to join the Hounds.
Oshiroi Hana: But you asked if I wanted to do it in a group...

Pilaf: Did you just fly over here, young master?!
Trunks: More importantly, I was trying to act cool and I went and said that you're my girlfriend...
Pilaf: Me? Really?
Trunks: Not you!
Shu: Me?!
Trunks: What?! No! The girl!
Mai: Me?!

Yui: Mama was talking about wanting to have many children. So how do you make children?
Asuna: W-Well Yui, to have a child, you have to open the options menu and go to the hidden options, then choose "Ethic Code Off"...
Kirito: Do you realize what you're about to explain!? Listen, Yui. To have a child, you must first get married. This unlocks an event where a stork brings you a baby.
Yui: How did the stork get the baby?
Kirito: The babies are born in cabbage fields. They are spawned from the cabbages.
Yui: So, if I was born in a cabbage field, does that mean I'm the child of a cabbage?
Asuna: Kirito, I knew it. It might be better to tell her the truth.
Kirito: Asuna, please don't overthink this!
Klein: No! The truth is that we are all human cabbages!

Yūgo Hachiken: How can I face everyone? I'm basically Tokugawa Hidetada... The man who didn't make it in time to the Battle of Sekigahara.

Motoi: How come your hand is wet?
Killer B: Don't sweat the small stuff.
Motoi: And where's Naruto?
Killer B: I was a pissin' and he went a missin'

Shinobi: During the attempt, the Nine Tails devoured Lords Kinkaku and Ginkaku... and then they were expelled.
Shinobi: Expelled? You mean from behind?