Quotes tagged with "funny" (best), page 3

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Olivier Poplin: The entire population of the human race is 40 billion. And half of it is women. Even considering that half of that won't pass the age limit and a further half of that will fail on the account of their looks, there still are 5 billion that are potential targets of my romance. I can't waste even one second.
Yang Wen-li: Alcohol is humanity's friend. Can I abandon a friend?
Konata Izumi: I may look like this, but I have about a hundred friends, and my social and bargaining skills are pretty high, and I join a party every night. With my allies, I work to bring back the glimmer in crystals to prevent the world from falling to ruin, and rescue the kidnapped princess...
Miyuki Takara: Come to think of it, when I went to an amusement park the other day, I had thought I was lining up for one of the rides, when I actually was in line for the restroom.
Komatsu: N-No way... The legendary chef... Setsuno-sama...
Setsuno: Hey, now. There's no need to attach "sama". Call me Setsunon.
Komatsu: S-She has such strong friendly affinity. No, I can't talk like I'm classmates with a Human National Treasure...
Setsuno: Who're classmates?! Don't act so familiar!
Konata: I went to Asakusa the other day.
Kagami: Oh? When did you go?
Konata: Trains in the winter make you drowsy, you know?
Kagami: She slept past her destination?!
Tsukasa: Wait... But isn't that in the opposite direction?
Konata: Apparently, I slept too long, so it doubled back from the final stop, and I slept past my station again. And when I came to, it was Asakusa.
Bulma: And who are these two?
Vegeta: Th-This is Lord Bills, and...
Whis: My name is Whis.
Bulma: People you know? Hey, I'm Bulma. I'm Vegeta's beautiful wife.
Beerus & Whis: Hello, Bulma.
Bulma: Well, they're certainly more polite than the people you usually hang around. But they don't look like they're from Earth. Aliens... You're aliens!
Hachiman Hikigaya: The police don't mobilize until after an incident happens, and it's standard for heroes to show up late. But would anyone condemn them for being late? So, speaking paradoxically, lateness is justice...
Vergo: I'll rip everything to pieces... Hm? How weird, I can't find my sword!
Monet: Isn't that because you're not a swordsman?
Vergo: That's right... I'm not a swordsman.
Piccolo: Five pure-hearted Saiyans? Impossible. Gohan and Goten are the only two like that.
Bulma: How rude of you! Vegeta may be a lost cause, but Trunks certainly has a pure heart!
Piccolo: Someone who has a girlfriend at that age is impure.
Bulma: Whoa! What era do you live in, old man?! Aren't you just being jealous?
Chi-Chi: That's right, Piccolo! Are you saying Goku is impure as well?!
Żółwi Pustelnik: It's true that he's kind, but whether or not a kind idiot who's obsessed with fighting counts as being pure-hearted is debatable.
Sagaru Yamazaki: How am I supposed to hit on a girl with this hair? I can't play anything beyond a side role in Fist of the North Star.
Yato: All right! Okay! Fine! Hanki... I release you. Just so you know, as a parting piece of wisdom, it's common courtesy to give a full month's notice before you quit!
Supreme Kai: It's the power of love. The power of Krillin and No. 18's love won! It's truly your Big Amour! You two are so lovey-dovey I'm jealous! How sweet!
No. 18: I'll kill you.
Supreme Kai: I'm sorry. I got carried away.
Ichigo: How many sets of a hundred pushups are you gonna make me do?!
Kūgo: That was only your fourteenth set. ... Why don't you do one more set to match your name?
Ichigo: You had to say that! I hate those kinds of puns!
Kūgo: Liar. I know you wear a T-shirt that says "15" on it.
Miroku: We don't need payment for this. We just ask for lodgings, food and women.
Konata: Well, even though it's vacation, I'm going to see our teacher almost every day anyway.
Kagami: Why? You have summer classes or something?
Konata: We form parties in our net game and stuff. Our teacher is a wiz and I'm a tank, so when we pair up and I pull stuff, it's pretty good in terms of both xp and money. Though I'm always the busy one, and all our teacher does is click on one of the AoE skills. The other day, I pulled a ton of mobs only to find our teacher had fallen asleep at the keyboard, and it took me all day to earn my death penalty back...
Yūgo Hachiken: How can I face everyone? I'm basically Tokugawa Hidetada... The man who didn't make it in time to the Battle of Sekigahara.
China: What's your name?
Japan: Hello, China-of-where-the-sun-falls. I am Japan-of-whence-the-sun-rises.
China: You're pretty rude!
Ane: What's the big deal about getting your butt groped? Do you know why there are two halves to your butt? It's so that you won't mind if someone touches one half.
Bulma: There's no way I'm going by myself, okay? Someone come with me!
Turtle Hermit: Two months round trip, huh? All right, I guess I've got no choice but to go with you.
Bulma: That will just add unnecessary danger!
Kotaro Katsura: I'm not Lupin, I'm Zura. Oops, I mean Katsura.
Kamogawa: The opponent for your debut match has been selected. Nishikawa Gym's Yusuke Oda!
Takamura: What? Did you say Yusuke Oda?!
Makunouchi: Do you know him, Takamura?!
Takamura: Nope.
Kamogawa: I'd like to tell you the details... but I don't know, either.
Takamura: If you don't know, don't build up the suspense, moron!
Elizabeth: Man, look at you all whining. That's why you're One Piece Quarter. Actually, it took four years to make 1/4 the amount. So if you want to be number one, you'll have to spend sixteen years preparing.
Gintoki: Scary... Super scary!
Hasegawa: What part of that story made you freak out?!
Gintoki: Toei Animation's gonna kill us!
Hajime Obi: The name's Obi Hajime! If that's a pain to say, call me Obi-One!
Matsudaira: He's not her boyfriend! I'll never acknowledge a frivolous man like him!
Hijikata: Shut up! I don't acknowledge you as police chief!
Okita: Hijikata, I'll never acknowledge you as vice-chief of the Shinsengumi!
Gintoki Sakata: When are they going to run the next Hanger x Hanger? Keeping me in suspense like that! They say "we'll be right back".
Bluenote Stinger: I asked you already. Where is Mavis's grave?
Wendy Marvell: The grave of the founding Master? It has something to do with the second test?
Happy: I see. I understand!
Carla: I'm sure it's something completely Nidiotic, but I suppose I'll ask anyway...
Happy: You want to become an S class wizard, too!
Okita: Die, Hijikata.
Hijikata: Die, Okita.
Okita: Die, Okita. Oops, I mean Hijikata.
Toshiro Hijikata: If there's something stuck to the bowl... you know how you unconsciously aim at it to shoot it off? We'll use that psychology and make it so they'll aim into the urinal.
Kyūbee Yagyū: Jugem Jugem Shit-Tossing the Life of Shin-chan's Two-Day-Old Underwear Balmung Fezalion Issac Schneider 1/3 True Love 2/3 Hangnail Anxiety Betrayal Knows My Name Or Does It Really Ignore Calls Squid Dogfish Halibut Trout-Cod Dogfish This Is a Different Dogfish, I'm Talking About The Dogfish Shark Kaluga Angler Ray Yuuteimiyaoukimukou Pepepepepepepepepepepepe All's Well That Ends Well Runny Diarrhea.
Azumi: If I don't do something, I'll go crazy. I feel like I'm going to turn into a love monster!
Shinpachi: Well, you already are a monster, I guess.
Shinpachi Shimura: I can't! I can't do it! I'd be glad if I can do it with a cute girl like her... But I'm still a boy and this time slot is anime time for children. We were already demoted from golden hour. If the PTA sends in a flood of complaints, the show will be canceled!
Hajime: It'd be a tragedy if we gave them a culture-inspired name, since it'd affect the rest of their life.
Kaoru: Let's name it something that'll go with your family name.
Hajime: If it's a boy, Shinji. A girl, Rei.
Gintoki Sakata: Men can get by with knowledge of the Sengoku era alone! Before that, it was just mostly-gorillas running around with spears in hand.
Gintoki: I don't wanna do any training. It's such a pain.
Shinpachi: He just said something a JUMP main character would never say! He doesn't have a shred of ambition!
Mutta Nanba: It would have been faster to crunch the numbers in my head! My mental abacus was too realistic! The beads kept sliding around because I was running!
Kotaro Katsura: It's not rap, it's Katsurap, yo.
Negroponte: You are a pretty radical anarchist.
Yang Wen-li: No, but you could say I'm a vegetarian. Although as soon as I look at a delicious meat dish, I break my commandments at once.
Tsukasa: That, and don't forget the sound of the spinning drills! It's so scary!
Konata: But boys might like dentists and stuff, then.
Tsukasa: Why?
Konata: I mean, they say that a drill is like a guy's romantic ideal. I hear they're all about dueling robots that use drills as weapons!

Quotes found: 388