Quotes tagged with "funny" (best)

Japan: They say Italian tanks can advance sixty kilometers a week on the battlefield, but after spotting English troops, they can retreat sixty kilometers in a single day.

Komui Lee: It wasn't Komurin's fault. It was the coffee. Hate the sin, not the sinner. Hate the coffee not the Komurin

Nazuna: Humans can only create offspring through copulation.
Ko: Don't say "copulate"!
Nazuna: What's the matter? How old are you?
Ko: I'm fourteen...
Nazuna: What?! You're still a little punk! At fourteen, you should be all over talk about copulation and stuff. What's wrong with you?

Tae Shimura: The most dangerous moment in hunting is the moment you've captured your prey. The bigger the prey, the more you let your guard down. Go read "Hunter x Hunter" volume 3, before you try and take us on, old hags.

Himeno: To be honest with you, everybody's getting pretty worn down.
[...]
Power: I'm bored, so I was thinking up a Nobel Prizewinning invention! If I win a Nobel Prize, humans will grovel before me! And then I'll use my Nobel Prize as a steppingstone to become prime minister! I want to watch humans suffer... So my first act as prime minister will be to implement a 100 percent sales tax!
Denji: She seems the same as always to me.
Himeno: Oh. That's... good then.

Yomi Isayama: To a big sister, a little sister is the same as a lackey!

Ishino: Why did you act like you had to work up so much courage just to kiss me, huh?
Takanashi: Because I felt like I was opening a door to a frightening world.

Akihito Kanbara: A girl without glasses is like a shortcake without strawberries!

Negroponte: You are a pretty radical anarchist.
Yang Wen-li: No, but you could say I'm a vegetarian. Although as soon as I look at a delicious meat dish, I break my commandments at once.

Hachiman Hikigaya: The police don't mobilize until after an incident happens, and it's standard for heroes to show up late. But would anyone condemn them for being late? So, speaking paradoxically, lateness is justice...

Alvin: Just so you know, my adventurer rank isn't very high. So don't get your hopes up!
Carla: Don't worry! My hopes were low from the start!

Konata Izumi: I may look like this, but I have about a hundred friends, and my social and bargaining skills are pretty high, and I join a party every night. With my allies, I work to bring back the glimmer in crystals to prevent the world from falling to ruin, and rescue the kidnapped princess...

Tae Shimura: Father, it's been a while. I have something to tell you today. I think it's time to begin. I will become the character I was created to be. It's time to restore the Kodokan Dojo you left us, Father. Sorry to make you wait 260 episodes.

Vegeta: Dating is for the weak.

Miroku: It's easier said than done, but don't worry too much. I understand what you're going through. Do you want to be alone, after all?
Sango: So... is that all? After all, considering the way you usually are... I thought after giving me the pep talk you'd do something lecherous.
Miroku: Sango. You should have told me sooner if that's what you wanted.

Narrator: The world was becoming filled with inconsistencies. Posted billed forbidding posted bills. Cold hot coffee. Strange hairstyles. Jobs with seven days off per week. Full-tilt half-assedness. Precise malarkey. Frantic relaxation.

Chief Amano: Good heavens! The criminal is safe. On second thought, I shouldn't be happy to see him safe!

Dororo: If I take two and give three to Bro, that's no fun for me. But I'd feel bad for Bro giving him two while taking three for myself. Honestly, five is such an inconvenient number. In the end, it's best if I just eat them all myself.

Grey: Being cursed by someone I don’t know is so embarrassing!
Gauche: The being cursed part doesn’t bother you?!

Yami Sukehiro: Those who enter a bathroom without toilet paper are like birds who've had their wings torn off. They'll never be able to fly out to the blue sky that lies beyond the bathroom ever again.

Asta: We're supposed to be a team! I protect you! You protect me! Then we'll be able to fight forever! An epic strategy, if I do say so myself!

Jorge: One battle had come to an end. However, as long as people live, they must continue to fight against something. And no one can forfeit his own fight.
Koenma: Jorge, what are you talking about with such a straight face?
Jorge: The narration!

Akira Akatsuki: Somehow, I've got a feeling it'll go great today! Maybe it's the hamburger I ate for dinner?

Mr. Cat: Students of mine are getting married before me! There is no happier thing for a teacher than this!

Utaha Kasumigaoka: You can try to deliver cool lines while in Cowgirl position, but it will still look, you know...

Hitomi: Most people would feel too embarrassed to show someone their room when it's this messy.
Chie: Nice try, but I have no shame! To love me is to love my messiness!

Hideo Azuma: When I woke up from my dream of being battered by a cold wind, I was being battered by a cold wind! It totally failed to fulfill its duty as a dream!

Yurine: Curses and whatnot, it's not scientific. How could they exist...
Nanami: How dare you say that when I've experienced it! If that's the case, then why is it that from this morning, I've been bitten by a dog, stepped on dog poop, fell down the stairs and forgot my homework?!
Yurine: Wouldn't that be because you were careless...

Hitori Gotoh: The sports festival: the number one-source of school trauma for introverts. Parentheses, based on Japanese Introvert Society poll, close parentheses. A heinous ritual in which those with no athletic ability are shunned, and even their right to exist is stripped away. Not only during school hours, but afterward too, they are forced to perform slave labor, creating banners and practicing cheers!

Master Roshi: A couple billion Zeni...?! Even if I went to a strip club everyday, I wonder just how many years it would take to use it all up...

Bulma: If you're a god, don't get mad over a little pudding, idiot!

Son Gokū: Man, you're just as stubborn as Vegeta!

Shinpachi: Uh, Gin? What was that about? How could you screw up the end of the opening sequence?
Gintoki: Don't blame me. There's bound to be a mishap when you do the same thing 23 times in a row.
Kagura: I thought the opening was reused every time.

Bulma: Where did you go?
Son Gokū: Rabbits belong on the moon, of course!

Mai: The man whose face strikes fear in the hearts of even the worst evildoers!
Shu: Robbery! Tattle-telling! Speeding! Blackmail! Stealing other people's food!
Mai: He'll do anything if it's for money!
Shu: His name: Mister Pilaf Daimao!

Kagura: Might as well skip the effort and reuse footage for the movie itself. Toss in a few new scenes and you'll fool them all.
Shinpachi: That won't work!
Gintoki: Really? Most of Sunrise's movies are recompilations.

Excalibur: Number 75: Excalibur's birthday is to be celebrated grandly.
Hiro: When's your birthday?
Excalibur: Everyday!

Takagi: Are you saying I have no sense for writing gags?
Kaya: Hm... Well, your face is kinda funny.

Gildarts: Wait a second! You're...
Cana: I know it's a lot to just accept...
Gildarts: Whose kid are you? Sara? Naomi? Claire? Feena? Mary? Eliza? No, no... The hair color's off... Emma, Lyra, Jean, Sydney, Kate, Yuko, Francoise...
Cana: You old geezer! How many flings have you had?!
Gildarts: I-I know! You're the spitting image of Sylvia! Like, you're the same sex!

Shinigami: Since I'm wearing a mask, Justin can't read my lips, can he? Can you repeat what I say from now on, please?
Spirit: Why do I have to do something so troublesome? It's fine if he takes the earphones off, right?
Shinigami: Okay! Repeat after me!