Quotes tagged with "funny" (best)

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Yūko: You saw everything... You saw the innermost places of my body...
Teiichi: Embarrassing? Aren't these just bones?
Yūko: This is the ultimate state of nakedness!
Cherry: What kind of work do you want?
Ataru: I won't ask for much, just ¥10,000 an hour, lots of fun, and something not tiring with lots of pretty girls. The location should be nearby, with meals included, and no overtime. Breaks should last about 2 hours. Afternoon tea is a given, and I can work any hours I like. And as a small request I'd like a paid vacation and family allowance, and housing allowance. And I'd like a bonus!
Beerus: His singing and dancing were both terrible. He'd be a fair match for you, Whis.
Kuroneko: Do you want to touch them?
Kyōsuke: Well...
Kuroneko: I see... I'm not mad... much... Because... I'm the same.
Kyōsuke: You want to touch my boobs, too?
Piccolo: Five pure-hearted Saiyans? Impossible. Gohan and Goten are the only two like that.
Bulma: How rude of you! Vegeta may be a lost cause, but Trunks certainly has a pure heart!
Piccolo: Someone who has a girlfriend at that age is impure.
Bulma: Whoa! What era do you live in, old man?! Aren't you just being jealous?
Chi-Chi: That's right, Piccolo! Are you saying Goku is impure as well?!
Żółwi Pustelnik: It's true that he's kind, but whether or not a kind idiot who's obsessed with fighting counts as being pure-hearted is debatable.
Mjolnir Marie: I'm... going to marry the toilet. Don't you see? The toilet will accept anything I do!
Tenten: They're revolting...
Lee: Leave them to me. I am the Guykage's right hand man. I can quell this little rebellion. Everyone, please calm down. Let's talk this out..
Tenten: Wow, Lee's actually being serious.
Lee: ...with our fists!
Kagura: Might as well skip the effort and reuse footage for the movie itself. Toss in a few new scenes and you'll fool them all.
Shinpachi: That won't work!
Gintoki: Really? Most of Sunrise's movies are recompilations.
Excalibur: Number 75: Excalibur's birthday is to be celebrated grandly.
Hiro: When's your birthday?
Excalibur: Everyday!
Tenten: It's pretty obvious we should've taken a left turn at the fork!
Shikamaru: No, if we'd taken a left... We'd have gone past a barbecue place that's out this way, and Choji would've been like...
Chōji: "I'm starving!"
Shikamaru: And he'd make us stop. But as soon as we walked in...
Man: "I'm so sorry. We're out of beef."
Chōji: "No, I've got a craving now!"
Shikamaru: And we'd be off to find a cow out in the mountains...
Chōji: "There's one!"
Neji: "Wait, Choji! That's a female!"
Shikamaru: Then we'd learn it's pregnant. And after its calf was born, Choji would be so moved by the miracle of birth that he'd be like...
Chōji: "I'm gonna live out here and raise cattle."
Shikamaru: He'd quit his life as a ninja to become a farmer.
Elizabeth: Man, look at you all whining. That's why you're One Piece Quarter. Actually, it took four years to make 1/4 the amount. So if you want to be number one, you'll have to spend sixteen years preparing.
Shinigami: Since I'm wearing a mask, Justin can't read my lips, can he? Can you repeat what I say from now on, please?
Spirit: Why do I have to do something so troublesome? It's fine if he takes the earphones off, right?
Shinigami: Okay! Repeat after me!
Kagami: Did you tell a lie to someone today, Tsukasa?
Tsukasa: Yeah.
Kagami: That's unusual. What kind of lie?
Tsukasa: Just now, when I said I told a lie, that was a lie.
Tsukuyo: Hinowa asked me to teach Seita how to swim. Anyway, I didn't know what to expect from a pool, but it seems to be just like Yoshiwara. Men and women enjoying themselves without any clothes on.
Dororo: If I take two and give three to Bro, that's no fun for me. But I'd feel bad for Bro giving him two while taking three for myself. Honestly, five is such an inconvenient number. In the end, it's best if I just eat them all myself.
Konata Izumi: I remember jotting memos on my notes earlier during class, because I thought I needed to remember it, since it was important, but since I was half asleep, I don't know what I wrote down.
Konata Izumi: I may look like this, but I have about a hundred friends, and my social and bargaining skills are pretty high, and I join a party every night. With my allies, I work to bring back the glimmer in crystals to prevent the world from falling to ruin, and rescue the kidnapped princess...
Yoshio Tsukinaga: The first kiss i ever had... was with a foot.
Konata Izumi: I haven't seen that guy around for a while... Yeah. He was a soldier-type character, but he wanted to raise his combat skills, and he left saying he was going to train in an area with a lot of monsters... And he hasn't come back since. I heard he's camping out in the underground nest. But I wonder if he's all right, acting all hermit-like? Everyone's getting pretty worried.
Narrator: These two are on the same team as Hinata and... Well, they're pretty minor characters, so that's about it.
Bulma: If you're a god, don't get mad over a little pudding, idiot!
Tsukasa: That, and don't forget the sound of the spinning drills! It's so scary!
Konata: But boys might like dentists and stuff, then.
Tsukasa: Why?
Konata: I mean, they say that a drill is like a guy's romantic ideal. I hear they're all about dueling robots that use drills as weapons!
Issei: Damn it for sucking up energy from girls' boobs!
Kiba: But why the boobs?
Issei: Don't ask something so obvious! I'd love to join in and suck up Akeno's and the President's "energy"!
Asia: Please don't sympathize with the monster.
Issei: Sympathize? Preposterous! I'm completely jealous of the monster!
Shinpachi: Uh, Gin? What was that about? How could you screw up the end of the opening sequence?
Gintoki: Don't blame me. There's bound to be a mishap when you do the same thing 23 times in a row.
Kagura: I thought the opening was reused every time.
Sakamichi Onoda: I'm going on my bike! Because... Because... on a bike... I can go to Akiba for free. I can buy five extra capsule toys with the money I save!
Goku: Do you know about the Super Saiyan God?
Shen Long: Yes, I know about it. your wish to ask whether it's real or not?
Goku: No, no, no, no, no! If you do know, could you bring it here?
Shen Long: I cannot. It doesn't exist. Super Saiyan God is a temporary god created by the Saiyans.
Goku: What do you mean by that?
Shen Long: You have a lot of questions. What exactly is your wish?
Hajime: It'd be a tragedy if we gave them a culture-inspired name, since it'd affect the rest of their life.
Kaoru: Let's name it something that'll go with your family name.
Hajime: If it's a boy, Shinji. A girl, Rei.
Shinobi: During the attempt, the Nine Tails devoured Lords Kinkaku and Ginkaku... and then they were expelled.
Shinobi: Expelled? You mean from behind?
Kagami: Come to think of it, Konata, you hardly forget stuff like textbooks.
Konata: I'm pretty reliable about things like that. I leave all the textbooks in the classroom in advance.
Kagami: S'up? How's your exam studies going?
Konata: I was just cleaning up my room right now.
Yui: Well, see, I lost in a game with Yukinon, so this is like my punishment.
Hachiman: Talking to me is a punishment?
Konata Izumi: There isn't much difference in appearance when you gain or lose a kilogram or two... Why does she look so ecstatic or depressed with a matter of a few kilograms? This is why girls are so...
Hachiman Hikigaya: Well, worst case, I get serious. When I get serious, groveling and even boot licking is no problem.
Beerus: Man, you're useless.
Shen Long: Forgive me... Have you any other wish?
Beerus: Scram. That's my wish.
Hachiman Hikigaya: The police don't mobilize until after an incident happens, and it's standard for heroes to show up late. But would anyone condemn them for being late? So, speaking paradoxically, lateness is justice...
Sakuma: If we lose, we're kicked off the team immediately.
Koizumi: Did you hear that, mister? They're like the Shinsengumi. You don't have Kondou Isami's permission?
Sakuma: I didn't even tell Hijikata I was coming.
Koizumi: So you're prepared to commit ritual suicide. Okay, Mr. Okita. We'll gift you some of our time.
Konata: Well, even though it's vacation, I'm going to see our teacher almost every day anyway.
Kagami: Why? You have summer classes or something?
Konata: We form parties in our net game and stuff. Our teacher is a wiz and I'm a tank, so when we pair up and I pull stuff, it's pretty good in terms of both xp and money. Though I'm always the busy one, and all our teacher does is click on one of the AoE skills. The other day, I pulled a ton of mobs only to find our teacher had fallen asleep at the keyboard, and it took me all day to earn my death penalty back...
Hachiman Hikigaya: These days, prep schools are granting tuition waivers for students with good grades. If I get that, and get tuition money from my parents, that money will be mine.
Vegeta: Back then I definitely exceeded you!
Goku: Yeah, without a doubt! Next time when we're fighting someone strong, I'll ask them to hit Bulma!
Mai: The man whose face strikes fear in the hearts of even the worst evildoers!
Shu: Robbery! Tattle-telling! Speeding! Blackmail! Stealing other people's food!
Mai: He'll do anything if it's for money!
Shu: His name: Mister Pilaf Daimao!

Quotes found: 196